Hello my victimssss. There's like, three million birds in our backyard, as I have discovered by sitting for half an hour in a chair in the middle of the yard. There's pretty much a flock of cardinals that was kind of swirling around me and screaming their heads off. There was a few wrens and sparrows that got really angry at me for no apparent reason and started trying to attack my head, and some mockingbirds that kept answering my random mock bird calls. The one that really got me was this big fat dove that was sitting on a stump in the other yard next to ours. He was doing this thing they do when they're trying to attract a female, where they, um, raise their lower end to the air and flip their tail up and down. I started making a really bad impersonation of a dove's cooing and he noticed me and started edging nearer to my direction. But, come on. Dude, I'm a human, a big giant thing with no fur or feathers who can't fly and doesn't bark, chirp, roar or growl or whatever. HE WAS THAT DESPERATE. So anyways, he thought that I was another dove and wanted to have cute little dove eggs with me. There was another dove that got his attention but he kind of ignored it and it flew away, and he got mad at another one who landed on a twig near him and attacked it. Etc. He was really pitiful though. He was doing his little tail flippy thing for the whole half hour I was sitting out there. I mean seriously, other doves, give the guy a chance. Pfff I guess he'll just stay forever alone.